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[01 Mar 2006|02:10pm] |
peanut butter jelly time!
210 pm, 1410
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| but all they had was the here and now |
[17 Aug 2005|10:28am] |
and maybe life was only about a series of moments, instead of a beginning, middle, and end after all.
wouldn't that make a good song? Like... I can imagine part of it. Oh, the brain is at work!
"the thought of facing all of those rooms and those memories without him there, without them there, terrifies me"
too much reading today. It is now 410. I have been reading for bloody 6 hours. Love it!
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| Liar! Bow down to your queen of filth! |
[14 Aug 2005|07:22pm] |
Boys are vain. I already knew they were vapid and insecure-yet-cocky, and fickle and horrid. And some are perfectly lovely, I admit. Unfortunatly, they are all fictional characters. But today I think it was proven that boys are just kidding themselves. I was walking next to Craig (who really is showing himself to be boring, if kind. I just feel sorry for the kid) who claims to be approxamatly 3 inches taller than me. No. I was wearing flip-flops from Old Navy, and he was wearing dressy-ish shoes. And I swear we were eye level, or at least he wasnt more than one (maybe two, if he stood up straight) inches taller than me. And while it doesn't matter, it's just odd that he would care so much to advertise his height. But lie. Not as badly as Tom Cruise, who on his resume claimes to be 5'9. But is really five-seven, as we all know. As Nicole is five-ten and Katie is five-nine, I think Tom's "I'm Tall" fantasy is coming to an end.
Even if Sam is a jerk, he does have the tall thing going for him. Maybe he should be like Deuce Bigalow, and move to Europe. Or just far, far away from me.
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| sadness all around |
[12 Aug 2005|10:29pm] |
So, today I fucking showed vulnerability to Sam. I was feeling pensive and decided to look through my old journals, after class. Big mistake. I got my drink and sat down in the comfortable chair, across a coffee table from an anonymous man. I was reading the time when Darcy died, and was just reliving it and feeling so hurt and bad and everything that I started crying (sighlently). The man across from me looks up from his laptop, and asks me what's wrong. I start to say nothing, just reading when I realize it is Sam Delaney. Actually acting like a human. So then I just tell him the story of what happened (this was from back in January)and he just listened and was nice. It was a little awkward, but I hadnt really talked to anyone about it. Basically what had happened was I just realized that Darcy was 1.5 months younger than me, and he got cancer. And after the treatments, the surgeries, the freaking amputation of his arm, he still fucking died. I had been ignoring it, but it really did upset me. I cared for him, and for B. (and I feel horrible for saying this, but it is true. He was hot. And kind and funny and sweet. Only the good die young, I guess.)
And then Sam told me about when his "Nana" died when he was younger, and how he went on a little quest, if you will, to bargain and beg to get her back. Going through the stages until he came to acceptance, when his 15 minute walk (he claims he was running away from home) ended at the park where they used to go together. It was quite sweet, and this afternoon was nothing like what Sam and my relationship was like at all before.
Does this mean that Sam and I are going to have to start being nice to each other?
naaah.
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| Oh em gee double you tee eff |
[11 Aug 2005|01:02pm] |
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Remember Craig? Of course you do! Well, after a nice(ish) time like 6 months of no words, no phone calls, I thought I was free. Apperantly not. He JUST sent me an email. So, according to him, he was in POLAND all this time. Hm, I didnt even notice he was gone. Well, he is coming BACK on August 13, and wants to "party" with all the kids again. For one thing, I do NOT party, for another, we were never in the same group. But whatever. At least he is nicer than Sam-Ass.
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| Boys are horrid creatures |
[11 Aug 2005|12:54pm] |
I really do hate them. Or at least, one of them. Yes, Sam has struck again. I was out enjoying a nice night with my friends, when who should walk into our restaurant but Sam Fucking Delaney and his stupid wanker posse. The OF COURSE have to get the table next to ours. Liz starts flirting with Kyle, and I am like, ugh, can we please not have contact between the two tables. Then Sam has to get all bitchy about it, and I am like, "What's the matter, Sam? Hungry much?" And he procedes to order a shit load of meat, but has to make sure it is perfectly kosher, which meant causing a lot of trouble for the waitress. He's just grumpy, the bastard, because he is supposed to be fasting.
Anyway, we had a nice night before Stupidhead and his semi-drunk friends came. I can't believe he goes to Evergreen, of all places. If I saw him just on the street, I would think that he goes to "Stick in the ass University".
The fucker didnt even buy me a drink.
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| Late night, high times |
[09 Aug 2005|10:37am] |
but unfortunatly, not that high. I am just trying to boost myself up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
* Self Actualization Needs (full potential)
* Ego Needs (self respect, personal worth, autonomy)
* Social Needs (love, friendship, comradeship)
* Security Needs (protection from danger)
* Physiological Needs (warmth, shelter, food)
I know I have physiological needs down. I have locks on my doors, I have people (hence the popular term, "We just peoples") even if Sam is the bane of my existance, (along with the government).
Working on self respect and personal worth. Getting there though. I have not reach self actualization, but of course, one is always working towards one's full potential.
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| Stop, collaborate and listen |
[04 Aug 2005|08:23pm] |
Yesterday, I spent three hours in the studio. And what came from it? ONE WHOLE SONG! Whoooo! It has lasers in it, therefore, it is awesome.
But today was horrid. I felt the need to buy some books that would actually make me think. A Clockwork Orange, and perhaps some Bradbury, as I have exhausted Kerouac. Finding Bradbury other than F.451 is horrible hard, actually. But after long adventures that resulted in me being lost in PARKLAND, of all the god-forsaken places around, I bought Dandelion Wine. And was so exhausted I have only read like 10 pages. And in A Clockwork Orange, the slang in there is brutal, yet makes more sense than it should. Oh, learning from context, you are great!
Today, no classes! I don't know what possessed me to take summer quarter. What am I majoring in, anyway? It doesnt matter! But I saw SAM DELENEY today. That man may be the most infuriating I have ever met. What a jew! BUT HE IS IRISH! What, your GRANDMOTHER was a jew, and now you are all "Mazel Tov"? Do you even celebrate Passover? But as part of my efforts to "be all that I can be" (damn you, United States Army, for having a catchy phrase) I tried to be nice to him.
Jen: Hey Sam, I haven't seen you in class lately
Sam: Well, if you must know, next Sunday is Tisha B’Av. That is a FAST day, Creampuff, where the Jewish people lament the destruction of the first and second temples in Jerusalem, and other Jewish tragedies. So sometimes I can't come to class, OKAY?
Jen: Oookay, I don't see why a fast day over a week away prevents you from learning about Global Economics. But whatever, man, it's all good to me.
Sam: JennPPHHHer, we have been in MOURNING for three weeks, and NINE of those days are spent in INTENSE mourning! Maybe you would know that if you were more AWARE of rich and varied peoples around you, instead of staying in your own little "Vegan-pro-anti-look-at-me-I'm-sooooo-great-but-I-still-need-Daddy" (or something like that, forgive the paraphrasing) world you would realize MORE of what it going on around you.
Jen: Yeah Sam, I will take that into consideration. How's the foreskin doing, well?
Sam: I would expect such a comment from you, JenniPPPPHHHer. By the way, nice pen, very mature and appropriate for someone who wants to, and I quote, "Make the world a better place in which to live!"
Okay, pause. First of all, my pen was a sharpie called "Fandango Pink". That is a perfectly appropriate pen. Even if I don't know what a fandango is, and how it makes this pink different than any other pink. Secondly, my "Make the world a better place in which to live" spiel, while said facetiously, has some merit to it. At least I don't want to be an old Jewish man at age twenty. But neither does Sam. He wants to be an old Jewish woman!
I cannot STAND Samuel Delaney! If I weren't opposed to animal products, egg his car!
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| It's been a year and a day |
[23 Jul 2005|04:08pm] |
Since I last updated. Not really. I just got back from 3 weeks of unsupervised (well, there were other people there, but in general) backpacking across Europe. Youth hostels are fun, but scary! I broke my no-cheese vow, alas. But there are SO MANY kinds of cheeses available to the common consumer that it was just too tempting. But I am back on the wagon now. No dairy, darlings!
Harry and the Potters are COMING! My dirty little secret, except it isn't dirty (though it could be...) and not a secret as I told everyone I know how excited I am. This does not bode well. It is hard to be understated and emo during the summer. Too much black is too hot, you know. But the hippie thing could work. At least I would fit in. But I am rock through and through, so I must soldier on, and get with the ROCKING.
We record soon. Scary, as JJ and LJ are NOT the ones I want to be singing around. But if I can do it around them, then I can do it around ANYONE, right? Maybe I will just request JJ to do some more cymbol crashes, and it will work. The cymbols on the keyboard (my lovely instrument) are less than satisfactory.
But tonight, I'm going to hang out with my favorite people of all, my bandmate and my "special friend". He is adorable, I tell you what! And so spry, it could lead to good things!
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE!!*********
LOVED it! I don't see how anyone could NOT like it! I thought it was better than book 5, and more developmental. And the Ron and Hermione parts were so fun, I loved when Hermione told Harry he was more "fanciable" and Ron tries to show off. It is so sweet, and a sign of things to come. Wow. Has fanfiction rotted my brain to canon? N0! I still love you JK, even if you did kill of Sirius. Poor Harry, indeed.
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| Happy Day of the Undead |
[27 Mar 2005|09:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
I hate most holidays. They are merely times for my relatives (who I don't like) to come over and insult me. And get this-- They are split between unitarianism, born again christian and catholic. Hello, that is a recipe for disaster.
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| mo Money |
[30 Jan 2005|09:13am] |
I have been altogether too busy for my own good. The Fish Peta thing didn't work out, though. I hear it was great, that the giant Tuna got pushed into the water. Some yahoo thought that because it was a fish it could swim, right? Yeah, well a person in a seven foot tall fish costume cannot. So we fished him out. I think that the person who pushed Tuna in got arrested. News through the grapevine is that he was really some crazy dockworker type. Now he has to undergo psychiatric evaluation.
I feel sick. I ate cheese by accident. Note to self- do not assume that because there doesn't appear to be cheese, there isn't some of the dastardly bits hidden around. Who knew? So I don't think that this eating cheese thing is going to work out, to tell from the pains of my stomach.
So you wanna be a rock supa-star?
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| Two, four, six to eighted, don't let fish be mutilated! |
[18 Jan 2005|10:21pm] |
Apperantly, there is going to be a PETA rally about fish soon. I am excited for it, I hope I can get someone to go with me. Rumour has it that there will be a 7 foot tall fish mascot there. In my head, it looks too much like that Taco Del Mar fish thingy in the sombrero. But I can't account for everything, now can I. It is protesting against all the "scientists" that do research purely to prove that "fish don't feel pain". Load of bunk. Have you ever SEEN a fish out of water, with a bloody hook through it's lip. Yeah, suffocation and being mutilated doesn't hurt. suuuuuure.
I am so tired. I have classes tomorrow, but I am busy in the morning. I don't want to get up. I actually have homework to do, and my first class is at 9 freaking 45. How can I be expected to wake up in time for that? Hot-damn, I feel like skipping. But then I would probably trip and fall and break my leg, purely from karma. Karma is a bitch.
Boy of the moment is not responding! (pushing him out of mind!)
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| The old man is snoring |
[17 Jan 2005|02:53pm] |
It is absolutly sopping out there. But fortunatly, I am in here. Not riding the bus with that weird kid to school. I have classes tomorrow. Damn you, Evergreen, for being so far away. Or, damn you, King Midas, for not touching a few things around my house. Money, that's what I want!
I am sounding like a bad vegan. We are supposed to be above such things! Or, yuppies. And since I am not a yuppie (Great Auntie Mildred, remember) I suppose I should be wearing hemp shirts and not washing. ew.
Last night was alright. Taking advantage of MLK day today, I went out. Of course, we did nothing. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. Nope nope. Except we forged a link with THE UNDEAD! AHHHHHH!
Or not. I went out with Craig, though. And he really is semi-undead. "Let's go see a show". Yeah, right. What show? It would have probably been in one of those greezy joints he seems to frequent. So then he suggested pizza. Yah, that would be good. If I ate cheese, or the dough which I am SURE has animal products in it. I just know. So some tomato sauce it is!
My life is booooooring. I think I will make a song.
Oh, I can't stand to live
But I must, so I can give
Hell to those who eeeeeeat
Putrified animal carcas
Good, ya?
So I know this girl. She insults me all the time. One day I smacked her good. Now I don't see her around very much. I think she sold out. It was a happy day.
I live to effortlessly freak out about junk. That sentence is the best one ever. Let's try it again. I hate the poobli kids. Everyone does. Even that jerk-friend of mine. God I just hate them so much. I wanna smack 'em good. But they are the only ones who don't throw chicken-burger at me.
ooooh, I hate the poobli kids
I think I will make them die.
or, Haiku form.
Poobli kids, I hate
Die bitches, die to death
But never sell out
Thank you, and LIVE FROM NEW YORK! IT'S.... Martin Luther King jr Day! Ooohrah!
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| Go to hell, other journals |
[16 Jan 2005|07:54pm] |
Everyone is like, "Get a livejournal, Jen. Then you can be cool like us! We are so good! Oh my fucking god, conform!" I was happy with my secretive life. On paper. Where no one can see. But then I realized that my parents/older relatives, who may be SHOCKED by what they read, are less likely to find this than a book journal. Because they couldn't navigate (get it! Cause it's the internet!) their way out of... uh. Let me think through that analogy some more. Right now, I am just doing this because it is easier to say I am doing something constructive on "that research thingy" (yes, I told her I use it for "research". Maybe reaserching what... never mind) than when I am holed up writing in what is obviously a well loved journal. But, now that my beutiful 300 page journal is filled up, I am being dragged into the future. Kicking and screaming. I am 18 years old, but really, my name should be Mildred. Great Aunty Mildred.
Craig asked me out today. I didn't have the heart to tell him no, so we are going to a show. As friends. With my friends around, too. I hope he doesn't get stupid. Or, stupid-er. He's just not cracking it.
I feel like I should censor my thoughts. But as of rightnowthisverysecond, no one knows! (Cackling with glee, I am.)
I need the blessed relief that only sleep can give. Sleep, and hardcore drug addiction. Although drugs aren't so much a "relief" as "USE FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY!"
Did I just say that?
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